If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
