Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
