I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
