I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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