Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!

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(703): View more from Virginia

yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.

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(404): View more from Georgia

It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.

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(270): View more from Kentucky

We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.

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(336): View more from North Carolina

There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed

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(+61): View more from Australia

remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.

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(707): View more from California

I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?

(650): View more from California

There is so much wrong with that sentence

(707): View more from California

Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real

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(845): View more from New York

should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"

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(940): View more from Texas

After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.

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