You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
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