We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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