Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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