I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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