Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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