season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
