Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Randomize
