So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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