We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
