Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
