you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
