We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
