is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize