I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
birth control should be required to get into college
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
