No awkward lesbian experiences without me
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
