wakey wakey hands off snakey
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
