my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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