you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
