I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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