Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
