this boner is exhausting
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
