I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize