actually, I'm a sock model
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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