so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
