Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
