oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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