you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
