Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
