I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
