Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
