She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
