The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
