dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
