What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
