we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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