somebody snuck up and got me drunk
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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