i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Sorry my hands just texted you
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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