Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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