How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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