Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
