you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
