You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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