I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
