hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
my vag is so smooth its legendary
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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