dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
