Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I need water and some morals
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
