just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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