i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
