How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
