sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
