Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She even gives head with a lisp.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
