fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
