if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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