great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
