So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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