member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize