I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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