so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
not ubering you a puppy
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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