i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
