separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
