omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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