I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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