i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
