Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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