i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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