You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
