some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
