just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
