i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
