yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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