so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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