My nipple is on Facebook.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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