I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Your cock deserves a montage
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
