Already got asked if we're dating
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
