Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
We are all done wearing pants today
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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