i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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