I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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