I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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