My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
